It’s funny what you find out about people once parents reach the age where they feel they have to spill the beans about some things before they exit?

This is that thing [all] parents do once the inevitable begins to approach. It must be a sort of grim reaper effect I suppose. I’m still not there but I find myself asking on occasion what will I be like when I’m way up in years? I’m beginning to practice lines of wisdom they almost always begin with either “if I were your age I would do”- OR – the more popular, “when I was your age we…”. How many times have those words been said over and over?

This is a story about a few of my last visits when I saw both of my parents alive. It mostly began once my Dad reached the age of 90 to 91ish, suddenly there were these curiosities he had about me that he had never expressed before. Things he felt compelled to say or ask me about. One time he said “how much money do you make, I told someone I bet you make $250k/year, and you do right?” I shook my head “No”, at the time my income was not that big but it was climbing each year. Another time he asked me, “Brant do you like your name?” I replied, well I like it but most people never get it right. I’ve been called everything from Britt to Brat to Brad to Brent and more.” Almost everyone misspells it by adding a “d” in there. “But other than that Dad, I’m good with it why do you ask?” “Well, your Aunt L___ [she was one of my favorites] was really disappointed when I named you Brant.” I was like “What? I never heard that” He went on to say that she wanted my name to be a more common name such as Greg or some other name, I don’t recall all of them. The funny thing is, Aunt L____ never mentioned this to me when she was alive – never! And I guess I wouldn’t have expected her to either. 😉

It’s funny what you find out about people once parents reach the age where they feel they have to spill the beans about some things before they exit? I would travel down to Houston to see them maybe 3-4 times a year for several years, but we would talk over the phone fairly regularly. It was on one of these later visits that I recall first finding out that my father was all-the-sudden a Democrat? And President Obama was just fine with him. This was a shocker – I was like “Where did this come from? How did this happen?” My father spent all those years of his life as a staunch political conservative and now @ 90 he’s sympathizing with Democrats? How awful must things be I thought? That one greatly disappointed me. I remember how clearly he hated knowing Jimmy Carter was elected President back in the day, it made being around the house very difficult back then. Of course, my Mom had become way into Oprah on her part. I found out this was how she was keeping up with world news as well. Here was two people I had known for decades and suddenly didn’t recognize for their mindsets. I wasn’t around to witness the transitions that had taken place in their minds to get them both where they now were. It was like virtual partitions were placed between who they once were and their new ventures into non-reality. Strange.

My Mom remained the sweet & kind person she always was so that never changed. She could turn on the “Edith Bunker” routine from All in the Family when required though. Once my Dad had reached his late 80’s his driver’s license was taken away from him because he failed the eye exam. I was so relieved to find out that he couldn’t drive anymore. However, a new problem had emerged – he kept on driving even without a license. It was a tumultuous time. I was very worried that he was going to hit a pedestrian either walking or riding a bike and man would that have been a terribly painful lesson to learn for him at that age. I remember on occasion calling home, it would go like this –
Me: “Hey Mom is Dad around? I need to ask him a question.”
Mom: “Brant, he must be outside, uh, he may be in the garage?”
Me: “Okay, just ask him to pick up the phone, I’ll wait”
Mom: [She puts phone down and comes back] “Brant I don’t see him, but I know he’s here…”
Right! My Mom began covering for him when he would take the car out to run an errand. Happened all the time and this was NOT COOL. She knew that I would be upset to find he was operating a vehicle without a license. So [instead of making sure he didn’t drive] she began lying about his whereabouts when he was out [driving illegally]. This went on for awhile then one day I received a phone call. It was my Dad and he had “exciting news” for me? He said he had spoken with someone at their local DMV and they told him to come on up and they gave him his license back, but with “restrictions”. He said, “Isn’t this wonderful Brant!?” I replied, “No Dad, I think it’s a terrible idea!” I did not share in his enthusiasm but at least he was going to be restricted from freeways and/or nighttime driving. In my mind the only positive was that my Mom no longer had to lie about where he was anymore. 🙂